The Three R’s of Responding to Your Child
WRITTEN BY: Irene Travis
Ever notice how telling someone to “just calm down” never really works? That is because it can be tough to calm down when we are in the middle of a meltdown. The same goes for kids! Utilizing the Three R’s can help your little ones and you through tough moments!
What are “The Three R’s”?
Regulate. Relate. Reason. Developed by Dr. Bruce Perry the three R’s are a framework to help your child bet back into the “smart” part of their brain!
Unlocking the Power of the Three R’s:
Regulate
“Regulation is the ability to manage your own emotions and behaviors.” - Bethany Hall, MSN, FNP
This step is the foundation of the Three R’s. When your child is acting out, help them regulate back to a place where they can talk about their emotions. Keep in mind that it is important to manage your emotions during this time as well. When you stay calm, you set a powerful example for your child.
If you feel overwhelmed or frustrated because your child is dysregulated, take a moment to breathe and regain composure. Children are incredibly perceptive and will mirror your actions. By regulating your own feelings, you create a stable environment where your child feels safe and secure.
Relate
Understanding your child's perspective is key. Show empathy and connect with their feelings, even if they are upset over a minor setback.
Engage in active listening and validate their emotions. This strengthens your bond and helps your child feel valued and understood. By you being there for them, they recognize that you will not leave them while they are in distress. Remember, relating is about more than just hearing words, it is about truly connecting on an emotional level!
Reason
Once your child is calm and you have shown empathy for their feelings, it is time to guide them through reasoning. During this phase, engage in constructive conversation about what happened.
Discuss why the situation unfolded as it did and explore healthier ways to handle similar situations in the future. The goal is to help your child understand the situation better and learn from it!
If you want additional support on your parent journey make sure to join our waitlist for our next parent group—Calm, and Connected: A group for parents of kids with big feelings and big behaviors. Also, sign up for our newsletter for more tips ad expert guidance on childhood mental health and parenting.
